well i'm stuck between just trying to forget and still wondering what the hell did i even do

why must emotions allways be so painful for me...

and no....i'm not doing this for attention......it's something i have to work through myself...no one else can help me...i'm just posting this so that if i happen to look depressed (but i'm usually good at hiding it), i don't want people asking me what's wrong...i know you care, but i need to work through this on my own

so...i'm thinking of getting rid of this xanga and another one i've been using and just starting over

STOLEN from Courtney:

1) have you ever had a song written about you? ehh...i don't thinks so
2)what song makes you cry: songs don't make me cry
3) what song makes you happy? too many to name right now
4) what do you like to listen to before bed? sounds outside.....
5) height: idk anymore... 5' something....
6) hair color: dark brown
7) skin color: I'M SO FRIGGIN PALE! AAAAAAAAHHH...
8) eye color: green
9) piercings: ears
10) tattoos: none

R i g h t N o w

11) what color pants are you wearing?: i'm not wearing any....lol
12) what song are you listening to?: 'Sweating bullets' by Megadeth
13) what taste is in your mouth?: ramen
14) what's the weather like?: cold and rainy
15) how are you?: bored out of my friggin skull!
16) get motion sickness?: nope
17) have a bad habit?: many
18) get along with your parents?: most of the time
F a v o r i t e s

19) tv show: Invader Zim, Angry Beavers, Family Guy, Rurouni Kenshin, Rocko's Modern Life, Futurama, Viva La Bam, Law and Order S.V.U. (i'm weird, i know...)
20) conditioner: whatever....
21) book: anything by Charles de Lint
22) non alcoholic drink: root beer
23) alcoholic drink:
24) thing to do on the weekend: whatever i'm in the mood for
25) movie: too many to name

H a v e Y o u

26) broken the law: yeah, but i've never been caught
27) ran away from home: once
28) snuck out of the house: many many times
29) ever gone skinny dipping: no
30) made a prank phone call: yes, but i like messing with telemarketers
31) ever tipped over a porta potty: no...i try and stay far away from those things
32) used your parents credit card: never
33) skipped school before: nope, but me and heather skipped every class on the last day of school cause there was no point in going to class
34) fell asleep in the shower/bath: twice, but it was when i was sick and felt like passing out
L o v e

35) girlfriend/boyfriend: no......
36) sexuality: straight
37) children: none
38) current crush: ................................................
39) been in love: i am
40) had a hard time getting over someone: still trying
41) been hurt: i have a talent of getting hurt
43) gone out with someone you only knew for three days: no...i'm not that trusting
R a n d o m

44) do you have a job: no
45) your cd player has in it right now: Thrice: Illusions of Safety
46) if you were a crayon what color would you be?: some shade of blue...idk
47) who makes you happiest: quite a few people actually
48) what's the next cd you're gonna get?:uh....i havn't thought about that
W h e n / W h a t W a s T h e L a s t

49) time you cried: not recently
50) you got a real letter?: from my grandmother
51) you got an e-mail: from wereweasel
52) thing you purchased: a book
53) tv program you watched: Invader Zim
54) movie you saw in the theater: The Ring 2
55) Kiss ?
56) Hug ? Cody
57) song heard ? 'Sweating Bullets' by Megadeth
58) Place you were (not home) ? Christian rally
59) phone call - Courtney
60) You were depressed - kinda still am, but i'm getting over it
62) You were in the hospital ? when i got a branch thrown at me...and it pucntured my face MY FACE!! AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!...i have a scar from it too

W h a t C o m e s t o M i n d W h e n Y o u H e a r...

63) Car - i'm never gonna be able to get one at the rate i'm going...
64) Murder - people are fuckin sick
65) Cape- *trips over it*
66) Cell - CELLOPHANE!!!!!
67) Shoe-foot?
68) Fun - shooting babies at people (not real ones)
69) Caves - awesome
70) Crush - ....................................................
71) Music - concerts?
72) Chalk - *sneeze*
73) Candy - HYPERRRRRRRRRRRRR

i'm a loser baby...so why don't you kill me....

-edit-
FIRST THUNDERSTORM OF THE YEAR!!!!!!
scared the shit out of me at first......

wow....ok so i've lost what little faith i had left in humanity
there are certain  individuals that are good people....but the majority fuckin sucks
who would be so fuckin selfish that they have to try and ruin their ex-girlfriends life even tho they say they don't need them anymore....and yet they're stalking her anyways and telling their friends to stalk her and trying to scare off any guy she even talks to....
fuckin ASSHOLE
and all the fuckin scum of the earth crawl out of their fuckin holes just for the chance to torment someone they've never even met before...
and the security won't do anything because the son-of-a-bitch went to them first and said she's always messing with his mind....so they wouldn't do anything because they're looking it at a personal level and practically telling her she deserves the harrassment!
WHAT THE BLOODY HELL!
he stalked her: that's harrassment
he pushed her: that's assault
they can't just not do anything because he said she cheated on him! that's fuckin biased
well if sitting on your ass all day and not doing anything is what being a security guard is all about...THEN THEY'RE DAMN WELL DOING A GOOD JOB OF THAT ALREADY!!!
and if i were in her position, the first guilt trip he tried to put me in, i would have dumped him right away
and if he even thought about touching me in any violent way....he'd be at the hospital GETTING HIS FUCKIN JAW WIRED SHUT!

this fuckin overbearing abussive sadistic bastard needs to be locked away for a looooooooong time!
OR SHOT IN THE FUCKIN GROIN AND LEFT TO BLEED TO DEATH ON THE SIDE OF THE FUCKIN ROAD!
and he can threaten me all he wants to...he's messing with my friend...and i don't fuckin care how badly i get the shit kicked out of me...I'M NOT BACKING DOWN!

that's my fuckin anger rant for the day
thank you, and good night.